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Psychic Sibyl: Your Monthly Horrorscope | June

Its work experience week here. First time we’ve brought it back since a year 10 did something freaky in a hairdressers.

Unfortunutley, our community outreach co-ordinator here in Contemporary Ancient Greece thought it would be a laugh to outsource all of this year’s interns from the mortal realm, and to deliver them in the dead of night, naked and afraid. Released straight to to the ancient gates where they were all ceremoniously dumped and left to decipher for themselves what on earth was going on. Can you imagine?! Had me and the Sibyls cracking up for days.

Anyways, dear readers, all this to say that our new intern, Psychic Mike, is grossly underqualified. (He doesn’t even have a pen licence). (And his bail is still pending).

Aguerius acwerius AQUARIUS

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Hey guys. Mike Here. Im new to this ----so pls be patient with me. Okay lets get this thing going....Number one:        Maybe you're a visual learner? Huh? Maybe on means on? And no means no? Unless you're referring to insert your insert here in which case your answer shall be revealed in due course.( BY POST)

Piseee PiSCES

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Lets say nothing by saying everythang. Thats a sensitive approach to this exercise. It might be a tight squeeze , but you can't stay emotionally distant forever. Not with that ass!

ARES ARES

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Who's next? Ares. Well, I can see from your file that you havent checked in with us recently. So we don't have an up-to-date indirect tax reform for you. Your last check-in seems to have been at a self-defacing twitter smear campaign. Please let us know if you are okay with this update.

CANSAHHH CANCER? CANCER

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Can you tell? Is it so obvious/? Hey, I'm really getting the hang of this: turn left at just-the-tip and  KEEP ON ROCKING NEXT TO ME.

Torys Torus? TAURUS

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I think ive cracked it. Every pronblem has a solution: and heres yours: QUIT UR WHINING AND GET A REAL JOB. Free work space availible to hire, I read in a newspaper, just fill in your bloodtype HERE.           no more nervous poos/ no more nervous driving/ no more nervous dining      SAY: NO MORE

GEMINI GEMINI GEMINI

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Mind the gap between your south London bedsit    and    reality.     Veganism   is not    just for xmas. Or when your moon ascending is on the cusp    between      Fulham     &     Chelsea.           (I think eggs DO count). *besides, dsomeone has to do it, and we all end up in the     same     hole   

Lebra Libra

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Are u a south-facing Vegan? Do you want my number? Ive got a hot body. &Plenty of natural lighting

********This is a workplace. If you had read the terms and conditions of the internship, Mike, you would know that it is strictly forbidden to sexually proposition the mortal clientele. Trust me, they are only mildly attractive at best.*****

SCORPWIO ScoRPIO

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My thumbs are sore , from all this thinking. Have there always been so many/.????

LIO LIO LIO LIO LEO

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tHIS CANT BE THE RIGHT ORDER!!!!!!! wHAT A MESS!!!!! AY DIOS MIOOOOO QUEEEE LIOOOOO.... PARECEEE QUE YA LLEGOO LA HORA DE APRENDER EL ESPANYOWLLLL 

sAGGETARIUS

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WELCOME to the mass movement of giving a toss about stuff. Your stuff      or    mine???? ;) ;)       (We are currently operating remotely, from MIAMI STATE CORRECTIONAL UNIT)

CAPRICORN CAPRICORN

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COLLECT 200 DOLLARS FOR CUTTING OUT TOXIC ELEMENTS IN YOUR LIFE. (APART FROM BRITNEY, BITCH)

vIRGO?

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vIRGO/??????? oOPS. soRRY . i forgot about this one. looks like you are also irrelevent in the comic cosmic world. 

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